THERESA MAY is cornered, her back to the wall and sword broken, surrounded by gleeful enemies and treacherous political allies.
Yet even at this darkest hour, she must know she has the mouthwatering opportunity to spring free and thwart all those who think she is the worst PM in living memory.
To make her day, she would simultaneously give the kiss of death to renegade Tory quitters and drown the mongrel Tigger Party — The Independent Group — at birth.
All she needs to do is negotiate a “sunset clause” on the Northern Ireland backstop, free Britain from never-ending subordination to Brussels and scrape through Parliament with a deal by March 29.
Yes, it sounds yawningly familiar. We’ve been here before. But this time she can win without reopening her ghastly Chequers deal.
Brexiteers have signalled they would accept a deal which leaves Chequers intact, saves face for Brussels and guarantees Britain can leave when it is ready.
This guarantee, written into a separate legally binding appendix, would remove the poisonous threat of BRINO — Brexit In Name Only.
It would honour the result of the 2016 referendum, bolster the election manifesto vows of all major parties and justify the empty promises of Anna “Suck it up” Soubry’s Tory bolters. It would also leave future UK governments free to decide their own future.
We can sympathise with Labour MPs who quit Jeremy Corbyn’s Momentum Marxists
Theresa May must know that whatever happens over the coming weeks, voters will never rest easy with a bodged half-in, half-out Brexit.
The Referendum result — the votes of 17.4million people — cannot be erased.
Mrs May needs the consent not just of her MPs but the overwhelmingly Eurosceptic British public.
If she can reach agreement with lifelong Brexiteers such as Jacob Rees-Mogg and Bill Cash, chairman of the all-party European Scrutiny Committee, she can prepare for happy retirement.
Even Euro-fanatics who last week trashed their oaths of Cabinet loyalty — Amber Rudd, Greg Clark and David Gauke — would find it difficult to vote against and would not deserve to survive if they did.
Deluded Jeremy Corbyn aside, nobody wants a General Election.
There is no appetite outside the usual suspects for a divisive second referendum. Battered EU chief Jean-Claude Juncker cannot wait to retire. Everyone wants to move on.
The Labour fugitives are men and women of integrity, driven out of their own party
It is even possible to imagine the great British public putting all this behind them and starting to heal the divisions which have split families, friends and society at large.
What would then become of the Tiggers?
We can sympathise with Labour MPs who quit Jeremy Corbyn’s Momentum Marxists.
The party they joined no longer exists. It has been invaded by conspiracy theorists who thrive on malice.
Once they have cleaned out the Labour leftovers, they will turn on each other.
I suspect quite a few more traditional Labour MPs will follow the Tiggers into the wilderness. They might even establish a new party under a charismatic, plausible leader.
BREXIT IS ALL ABOUT IMMIGRATION
Someone with a touch of the Messiah, perhaps, like the ever-hopeful Tony Blair. Unless Tom Watson or ambitious Keir Starmer beat him to it.
The Labour fugitives are men and women of integrity, driven out of their own party.
Which is more than can be said of “Three Stooges” Anna Soubry, Heidi Allen and Sarah Wollaston, all serial rebels.
Soubry carefully avoids the word “racism” after being caught using it to describe her voters. But she believes Brexit is all about immigration.
She blames it for an alleged rise in race attacks and she believes those shouting at her outside Parliament are “fascists and racists”.
At no point does she concede that the dissatisfaction with Brussels is fuelled across Europe by its lack of democracy, accountability and scrutiny.
Even Brussels is belatedly beginning to understand its arrogance will be its undoing.
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The “Stooges” need a leader, too. How about ex-Chancellor Ken Clarke, who rather loopily adores Brussels and all its works, including the catastrophic euro?
Having egged them on, the least Ken can do as his last political act is add his considerable ballast to their leaky boat.
Then, with her deal in one hand and a double-barrel shotgun in the other, Theresa May could blow them out of the water.
Even imam fears Middle-East funding
FEMALE imam Seyran Ates has called for a ban on Middle East funding for European mosques, saying: “You don’t trust the wolf to take care of your sheep.”
UK security services have long feared extremism is fomented by foreign imams, while young Muslims are taught anti-Western sentiments at madrasa schools funded by Saudi money.
Ms Ates, 55, risked her life setting up Germany’s first equal rights mosque where men and women pray side by side and burkas are banned.
Meanwhile, we in Britain face draconian new laws banning any criticism of Islam as “blasphemy”.
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