DEAR DEIDRE: I HAVE been with my girlfriend for more than three years and we have still not had sex.
I love her so much. Last year I proposed to her and she said yes.
She is 23 and is still a virgin. I am 26 and have had some previous sexual partners.
I want to show my love for my girlfriend sexually to bring us closer together.
But she keeps on saying she is not ready. I was OK with this at first but am becoming a bit frustrated now. I wanted us to have a weekend away but she made up an excuse not to go.
I have tried explaining what it is like for me but she is still holding back. She won’t even talk about it and if I bring it up, she just says: “Not now.”
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DEIDRE SAYS: If it is cultural or religious reasons she has to refuse sex outside marriage, this is probably flagging up a problem that won’t be sorted with a wedding ring.
Don’t let the issue be brushed aside again. Ask her what she is afraid of, or if she has had an experience that put her off sex.
My First-Time Fears e-leaflet will help you identify the problem and resolve it.
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