DEAR DEIDRE: I HAD passionate sex with a guy who I knew from school but hadn’t seen for four years.
Now he has ghosted me. I dream and have sexual fantasies about him all the time but I hear nothing from him. We’re both 22 now and he popped up on Facebook a couple of months ago.
We got chatting and it turned out that we had liked one another at school but never discovered we both felt the same. I remember I really fell for him then but I was scared of rejection so I did nothing about it. I went to uni in another part of the country and lost contact.
After he got in touch on Facebook he sent me a message every morning and we talked most evenings. All those old feelings were coming back to me. We agreed to meet and talk about the old days.
I told him I had been hurt in relationships several times and he promised he would never hurt me or use me. It was great when we did get together. We chatted non-stop and laughed a lot.
We kissed and then we ended up in bed at his place. I don’t normally do stuff like having sex with someone on the first date but it felt totally wonderful, really like the start of something.
In the morning we said a loving goodbye but when I messaged him later he ignored me, and has done ever since. He has even blocked me on Facebook.
I know it is stupid of me but I cannot stop thinking and dreaming about him. I have wild sexual fantasies about him. I am haunted by the thought that I must have done something wrong to drive him away. Maybe I was too easy.
I feel I should have seen the warning signs because there were times before when he stopped texting me. I know I am being pathetic but just thinking about it all makes me want to cry. I have to find a way to get over him.
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DEIDRE SAYS: You are not to blame for how he’s behaved. This guy implied he felt the same about you as you did about him but he was being deceitful.
If he has had a change of heart or if something else in his life has changed, he should have had the kindness to speak to you about it, not just leave you wondering and worrying.
I’d say you are better off without someone who has so little concern for others’ feelings. Decide what you will do if he pops up again and expects to carry on as though nothing had happened.
The last thing you need is to go through all this again. My e-leaflet on Moving On will help. Widen out your social life and give yourself the chance to meet new people. Don’t let your disappointment and heartache turn you into a hermit.
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