DEAR DEIDRE: I MET a gorgeous girl on a long train journey a couple of months ago and we were having fantastic sex within a week. I thought I had got lucky but I’m already itching to stray.
I lose interest in a woman after we’ve had sex a few times.
I experience the most sexual satisfaction in massage parlours.
I am 43 and have never had any trouble attracting women. I had a couple of long-term relationships in my twenties but ended up getting hurt both times.
Since then, I have been looking for the right girl but also regularly going to massage parlours.
I know it’s not a great long-term lifestyle and I thought I was turning things around when I met this girl on a three-hour train journey.
Our firms had paid for us both to go first-class. We were sitting opposite one another and got chatting. We exchanged names and numbers before she got off.
Amazingly, it turned out she lives only an hour away from me and we soon arranged to meet for coffee. It went so well we ended up back at her flat and spent the night together. She is 33.
Neither of us expected things to go that fast but we fancied the pants off one another.
The sex was fantastic and I thought I’d finally got lucky. But after a month of seeing one another two or three times a week, I realised I wasn’t lusting after her like I did at the start.
I made an excuse that night that I had a cold coming on, so we didn’t have sex. She was fine about it and was really sweet to me. I felt awful afterwards and upset that the same old loss of interest is happening to me again.
I really want this girl to be the one. We have lots in common and I love being around her.
I just want the intimacy to go on being as electric as it was to begin with and not have to keep going back to paying to have great sex.
ALMOST one in three relationships is hit by one or both partners cheating.
Their lovers are in a bad place, too – having fallen for someone who isn’t free to be with them.
My leaflet Your Lover Not Free? can help.
- For a copy email firstname.lastname@example.org or private message me on my DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.
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DEIDRE SAYS: Sex always has to change gear when we go from the thrill of the new to finding deeper, more lasting satisfaction.
You were hurt when you were younger and it may be the self-protective wall you put up in relationships to stop the risk of getting hurt also damps down your sexual responses.
When you are paying for sex, as you are in massage parlours, there is no demand on you to do anything bar find physical satisfaction. But it’s a damaging industry for those working in it and even just being a customer harms your prospects of being happy in a long-term relationship.
Avoid massage parlours and try to allow yourself to open up to genuine intimacy with your girlfriend – dare to care and to feel. My e-leaflet Find It Hard To Be Faithful? will help.
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