Having sex on drugs was anything but ecstasy — you lose your soul quickly on cocaine


I AM not surprised to learn that more British people take drugs during sex than any other nation.

We beat Europeans, Canadians, Americans and even Australians when it comes to consuming alcohol, cannabis, ecstasy, ketamine, cocaine or something called GHB to “enhance” our romping, according to the Journal of Sexual Medicine.

Recovering alcoholic Tanya says having sex on drugs was anything but ecstasy

Yes, we can spin it as courage or fun, but it is really unease. We are good at many things but not at expressing emotion.

And so, when we feel vulnerable — and you must be vulnerable to love — we drink or take drugs. It feels easier.

You do not have to seek a soulmate which, again makes you vulnerable.

Have you ever tried asking someone to love you when you’re sober and not yet old enough to know that being rejected will not break you?

Tanya Gold, who has been in recovery for 17 years, admits she doesn't regret anything now except her unhappiness and the waste of love
Tanya Gold, who has been in recovery for 17 years, admits she doesn’t regret anything now except her unhappiness and the waste of love
Stuart Wallace

Almost everyone is a soulmate when you’re drunk. That’s why Birmingham on a Saturday night looks the way it does. It may not look like a fearful search for love and acceptance, containing stumbling, crying and vomit, but it is.

I am a recovering alcoholic. I have 17 years without any of the above to “enhance” my sexual experience.

This means I am very prudish where drugs are concerned, and will write this entire article with a look of concern for my drugged and naked countrymen on my face.

It also means that I have had sex on almost all of them except the animal sedative ketamine (I’m not a horse) and “date rape” drug GHB (I hate acronyms).

Sex on drugs
Tanya recounts having sex on drugs when she was younger
Getty – Contributor

And I would, although my husband would disagree — he’s very loyal — consider myself the worst lover in Europe and possibly beyond, and I am fine with that. I have had a lot of sex. It was almost all terrible sex. I was not tender to them.

Do drugs enhance your sexual experience? I would say that depends on what you seek from your sexual experience, and what drugs you are using.

If you want to have sex — brisk, business-like, quasi-medieval sex with someone you have never met before — in a bush in Soho Square at 5am, who will then stagger off to have a psychotic episode in another bush, just for variety, I suggest you court someone who is using cocaine, such as me in 1999.

I was once so wasted I sent someone a note on the Tube at 8am — I hadn’t slept, he was on his way to work — asking him to meet me in a hotel room. It’s a step up from a bush. He looked horrified.

Cannabis can make you feel very paranoid during sex, says Tanya
Getty – Contributor

You will feel so, er, special.

It’s true that cocaine is the ultimate aphrodisiac. It makes whores of us all. You lose your soul very quickly on cocaine.

If you don’t want to become, quite literally, a prostitute, buy your own. I always bought my own. I had standards.

It makes you go mad very quickly, even by the standards of drugs.

Tanya Gold says she isn’t surprised Brits have more drug-fuelled romps than any other nation as we are not good at expressing emotion
Getty – Contributor

Or you might have a heart attack.

I’ve never had a man have a heart attack on me, but my husband has a heart condition and if he took cocaine to “enhance” his sexual experience he would make an extraordinary noise — like an angry moose, I imagine — and die.

It would, in a crowded field, be our worst ever date. (Our first date was to see Schindler’s List. He bought popcorn. We didn’t have another date for 17 years).

If you want a lover who laughs a lot, and then gets very paranoid, and thinks people are trying to get into the room to steal their tax records, try cannabis.


Cannabis isn’t really a sex drug, unless you fancy the ghost of John Lennon.

If you want someone who is happy like an idiot, or a child, try ecstasy.

People do tend to die on ecstasy though, and even if they don’t, you are still dating (I euphemise) a gibbering fool.

It is like having sex with one of the Mr Men on a dark narrative arc. Mr Happy. Mr Sad. Mr Dead.

Sex on drugs
Tanya insists drugs do not make couples feel closer during sex
AFP or licensors

The problem, as ever, is when you come down. You are in an unknown room with a man you are treating as a toy.

The drug wears off, instantly, and you are with a frightening stranger. What do you do then? If you don’t want to be beaten up or raped, keep going.

How about the national drug, alcohol? Surely that is safe? I would say it is even less romantic than the above, even if it is popular, legal and cheap.

People black out on alcohol, so it is possible, even likely, that your lover can’t remember your name.

Or his. You may, both, have extensive memory loss.

Cannabis isn’t really a sex drug, unless you fancy the ghost of John Lennon.

I have known men make passes at me when I am certain — absolutely certain — that they are so drunk they have forgotten who I am, and that is the reason — the only reason — they did it. That does not make me feel special. Or they vomit.

I have done this very often — once, most horribly to a nice Jewish boy who wanted to marry me — and you can’t get away with it beyond the age of 19 or, if you are ugly, ever. He didn’t want to marry me after that. Twenty years later, he still looks frightened when he sees me.

I am older now and happily married and my examples of sex on drugs and alcohol were extreme.

It is true that some drugs heighten some senses (I can hardly tell you how or what in a family newspaper) but that is not all they do. It is not even the most important thing they do. What they really do is numb you, and take you to a place where reality, at least for a while, cannot harm you.

Alcohol can leave both people unable to remember the night before
Getty – Contributor

That may feel briefly pleasing but it won’t take you to love, or anything real.

I am sure I have taken more drugs than most of you reading and I can say: Drugs do not make you closer during sex. Not to each other. They cannot.

If that is what you seek, try meditation. You are acting in parallel, but you are facing away from each other. They are all a dangerous anaesthetic.

I didn’t have sex for a while after I stopped drinking and using drugs. It wasn’t a penance.

I don’t regret anything now, beyond my unhappiness, and the waste of love. I just didn’t want to; I didn’t feel lustful like I did, say, in the stupid bush.

I was frightened of rejection and of myself. I didn’t feel worthy of love, so why would I — now seeking a spiritual life, for I had been told I had to — ask for it? Who would I ask?

I found my husband ten years ago. I find it harder to write about loving him than the bush.

Because it is intimate, and special, and ours, and I am grandiose enough to worry about sounding like a Mills & Boon novel; or, more truthfully, admitting that I need love.

Not pornographic love but romantic love. It was very different to anything I had felt before.

He wanted to hold me and call me his dormouse and I let him and I loved it, even though I still think it’s weird.

It must be the absence of cocaine.


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