What are Tim Vine's best jokes and one-liners, what are his 2018 UK tour dates and when did he quit Not Going Out? | The News Amed
Connect with us


What are Tim Vine’s best jokes and one-liners, what are his 2018 UK tour dates and when did he quit Not Going Out?

TIM Vine was on the longest running BBC comedy show of all time – and now he’s heading out on his own for a tour next year. Here’s what you need to know about the comedian and whe…



TIM Vine was on the longest running BBC comedy show of all time – and now he's heading out on his own for a tour next year.

Here's what you need to know about the comedian and where you can catch him in 2018…

 Tim Vine is heading out on a UK tour next yearRex Features Tim Vine is heading out on a UK tour next year

Who is Tim Vine?

Tim Vine is a 50-year-old actor and award-winning stand-up comedian.

He is the younger brother of radio presenter and Strictly star, Jeremy Vine.

Since starting his career, Tim has become known for his witty one-liners, winning the award for Best Joke at the Edinburgh Fringe festival in 2010 and 2014 as a result.

In 2004, he set the Guinness World Record for most jokes in an hour – cracking a whopping 499 quips in the 60-minute time slot.

He held the record until November 2014.

Tim has also appeared on several celebrity specials and has released five DVDs.

 The comedian has been working on the stand-up circuit for more than thirteen yearsRex Features The comedian has been working on the stand-up circuit for more than thirteen years

What are Tim Vine's best jokes?

How many of these do you know..?

  • “This policeman came up to me with a pencil and a piece of very thin paper. He said, ‘I want you to trace someone for me.'”
  • “I’ve decided to sell my Hoover – it was just collecting dust.”
  • “Uncle Ben has died. No more Mr Rice Guy.”
  • “Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels.”
  • “I went down my local ice-cream shop, and said ‘I want to buy an ice-cream’. He said ‘Hundreds & thousands?’ I said ‘We’ll start with one.’ He said ‘Knickerbocker glory?’ I said ‘I do get a certain amount of freedom in these trousers, yes.'”
  • “I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. I can’t remember his name, it’s P-something T-something R…”

 Tim appeared in five series of Lee Mack comedy, Not Going OutBBC Tim appeared in five series of Lee Mack comedy, Not Going Out

When is Tim heading out on tour?

Tim is about to bring his iconic wit on tour across the UK in the New Year with his stand-up show, Sunset Milk Idiot.

Here's where you can catch him…


  • Friday 26 – Slapstick Festival, Bristol Colston Hall


  • Sat 6 – Prince's Hall, Aldershot
  • Sun 7 & Mon 8 – Wyvem Theatre, Swindon
  • Tues 9 – Assembly Hall & Richmond Room, Worthing (Sold Out) 
  • Wed 10 – Cliff's Pavilion, Southend-On-Sea (Sold Out) 
  • Mon 13 – Playhouse, Norwich
  • Tues 14 – The Cresset, Peterborough
  • Wed 15 – Swan Theatre, High Wycombe
  • Thurs 16 & Fri 17 – Town Hall, Birmingham (Sold Out) 
  • Sun 19 to Tues 21 – Redgrave Theatre, Bristol (Limited) 
  • Wed 22 & Thurs 23 – Babbacombe Theatre, Torquay
  • Fri 24 – Pavilion, Bournemouth (Sold Out) 
  • Mon 27 & Tues 28 – Lyceum Theatre, Crewe


  • Wed 1 – Pyramid & Parr Hall, Warrington
  • Thurs 2 – Halls Theatre, Dorking (Limited) 
  • Fri 3 – Spotlight, Hoddesdon (Sold Out) 
  • Mon 6 & Tues 7 – Corn Exchange, Ipswich (Sold Out) 
  • Wed 8 – Central Theatre, Chatham
  • Thurs 9 – The Hawth, Crawley (Sold Out) 
  • Fri 10 – Theatre Royal, Wakefield
  • Mon 13 – Alhambra Theatre, Bradford (Sold Out) 
  • Wed 15 – Grove Theatre, Dunstable
  • Thurs 16 – G Live, Guildford
  • Fri 17 – Grand Theatre and Arts Wing, Swansea (Sold Out) 

Lee Mack – Going Out Live


  • Mon 8 – Warwick Arts Centre, Coventry
  • Tues 9 – New Victoria Theatre, Woking
  • Wed 10 – Opera House, Buxton
  • Thurs 11 – Eventim Apollo, Hammersmith
  • Fri 12 – MK Theatre, Milton Keynes
  • Mon 15 – Philharmonix Hall, Liverpool
  • Tues 16 – Venue Cymru, Llandudno
  • Wed 17 & Thurs 18 – Westland Leisure Complex, Yeovil
  • Fri 19 – Hall for Cornwall, Truro
  • Mon 22 & Tues 23 – Tyne Theatre and Opera House, Newcastle
  • Wed 24 – Queen's Hall, Edinburgh (Sold Out) 
  • Thurs 25 – City Hall, Hull
  • Mon 29 – Victoria Theatre, Halifax
  • Tues 30 – Victoria Hall, Stoke-On-Trent
  • Wed 31 – Anvil Arts, Basingstoke


  • Thurs 1 – Waterside Theatre, Aylesbury
  • Fri 2 – De Montfort Hall, Leicester
  • Mon 5 – New Theatre, Oxford
  • Tues 6 & Wed 7 – Grand Theatre, Blackpool
  • Thurs 8 – The Alban Arena, St Albans
  • Fri 9 – White Rock Theatre, Hastings

 The star played Lee's hapless housemate for five series of the BBC showBBC The star played Lee's hapless housemate for five series of the BBC show



Teen charged with Christmas Day murder of mum stabbed to death saving daughter


Vicar homeless after splitting with toyboy days after handing him flat



Jamie and Louise Redknapp to get quickie divorce TODAY after 19 years of marriage


Newly single Davina McCall says she doesn't care about 'losing her allure'


Dick Van Dyke Show star Rose Marie dies aged 94


Dad issues heartbreaking plea after student, 21, spotted 'running to sea'



Lotto winner moves on from stable girl with waitress



Mum furious after buying daughter Christmas doll which 'called her a b***h'


Heroes bring tiny baby who stopped breathing in Asda aisle back to life


Mum of 10 reveals she hoovers seven times and does five loads of washing EVERY DAY

Click to comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


Who Is Millie Bobby Brown’s Boyfriend Jacob Sartorius And How Old Is The Instagram Star?




JACOB Sartorius is an American singer and Instagram star, who is dating Millie Bobby Brown.

But what do we know about the young star who has captured the attention of the Stranger Things actress?

Instagram Jacob Sartorius is a singer and internet star

Who is Millie Bobby Brown’s boyfriend Jacob Sartorius and how old is he?

Jacob Sartorius is an internet star, who rose to fame from posting lip-sync videos on musical.ly.

Born on October 2, 2002, in Oklahoma, America,  he is currently 15 years old.

In 2016 he released his debut single Sweatshirt, followed by his EP, The Last Text, in 2017, which he went on tour with.

He was the 9th most searched musical artist of 2016.

He currently has 9 million followers on Instagram and regularly posts pictures of both work and his personal life.

Instagram His girlfriend is Millie Bobby Brown

How long has Jacob Sartorius been dating Millie Bobby Brown?

Jacob was first linked to the actress in October 2017.

According to US Weekly, the pair have been on holiday together and celebrated New Year’s Eve with her family at Walt Disney World in Florida.

Millie confirmed they were dating on Valentine’s Day, 2018, when she shared a picture of them with their foreheads together.

Jacob told Millie he loved her as he wished her a happy 14th birthday , writing: “Happy birthday to this beautiful girl, 14!! you’re the funniest, most caring person in the entire world.

“I love you and miss you so much!! Everybody go wish this girl a happy birthday @milliebobbybrown ❤.”

Instagram The young stars have been dating since October 2017

Continue Reading


‘human Elf’ Luis Padron Has Jaw Broken Five Times And Spent £45,000 On His Transformation So Far




‘HUMAN Elf’ Luis Padron had his jaw broken five times during surgery as part of his £45,000 plastic surgery transformation.

The Argentinian spoke about his surgeries on today’s This Morning and described himself as being “trans species”.

ITV ‘Human Elf’ Luis had his jaw broken five times as part of his transformation

He told of how he went to South Korea to undergo the surgery to make his jawline more “elf like”.

Luis explained: “Three months ago I went to South Korea, they broke my jaw in five parts and put it back together with titanium.

“So when all this heals I will have an animated character kind of shapes. Then I will fix the saggy skin.

“You can see my jawline is chubby right now because it is healing.”

ITV Luis said he face is swollen from the surgery

ITV He has also had surgeries on his ears

Instagram_luispadron.elf Luis Padron posted a selfie from his hospital bed

Luis has also undergone surgery on his ears to make them more pointed, has had liposuction on his jaw, a nose job and laser skin bleaching.

He revealed he’s thinking about having a “risky” surgery to “make his eyes glisten” but isn’t sure about it yet.

“I’ll have to go to India for it but I’m not sure as there’s a chance I could go blind.”

Describing himself as trans species, Luis said his desire to be an elf came as a result of him being bullied at school.

ITV Luis was bullied in school

Continue Reading


What Is Will Young Doing Now, What’s His Lgbt Homo Sapiens Podcast About And What Are His Hit Songs?




SINGER Will Young was a pioneer of reality TV pop industry success after his epic battle with Gareth Gates, but now he’s preferring life away from the limelight

Since becoming the first winner of Pop Idol, Will is no stranger to the reality TV circuit, but what do we know about the award-winning crooner?

Rex Features Original TV popster Will Young pictured in 2017

Who is Will Young, how old is he and what’s his background?

Will Young is a 38-year-old British singer born January 20, 1979, in Wokingham.

He’s a twin and his brother, born ten minutes later than him, is called Rupert.

Will, who comes from a family with strong ties to the British government and the military, was a natural sportsman at school.

He then became interested in singing and performing while studying politics at the University of Exeter.

In his second year at uni in 1999, he saw a This Morning TV ad inviting viewers to audition for a boy band, which kicked off his journey to global fame.

How did Will Young find fame?

Originally Will’s audition for the This Morning contest saw him placed in a band with Lee Ryan, Andy Scott-Lee and Declan Bennett.

And while his boy band career was unsuccessful, but he’d impressed panellist Simon Cowell during his 1999 audition.

In 2001, Will applied for new TV show Pop Idol and successfully got through every round, despite initially underwhelming judges Simon Cowell, Nicki Chapman, Pete Waterman and Neil Fox.

Will clashed with Cowell throughout the series after the music boss kept giving his performances poor reviews.

Eventually, Will found himself in the final and just managed to best his rival Gareth Gates, getting 53.1 per cent on the phone vote overall.

Will Young’s beautiful voice got him to the top on Pop Idol

After winning the series, Will released double A-side single with Everygreen and Anything Is Possible, before his debut album came out in 2002.

Shortly after that he came out as gay and denied ever hiding the fact.

Will’s most famous hit Leave Right Now came out in 2003, and he’s also known for his cover of Light My Fire and his dance hit Jealousy.

To date Will has released six studio albums, with his most recent album from 2015 being the first he did not record for Sony.

What else has Will Young done with himself?

Will was supposed to be judging on the first series of The Voice UK in 2012 but was replaced by Danny O’Donoghue at the last minute.

However, he did make a major return to reality TV with Strictly Come Dancing in 2016, on which he was paired up with Strictly professional Karen Clifton.

Karen Clifton and Will Young were paired up for last year’s show

Sadly for Will, he pulled out of the series after three weeks, citing “personal reasons” for leaving, though many viewers suspected judge Len Goodman had something to do with it.

Meanwhile, his friends said Will’s anxiety caused him to quit, which makes sense as Will has spoken about his mental illness and addictive personality in the past.

He was also dumped by Island Records in 2016 just four years and one album into their working relationship.

But it isn’t all doom and gloom for the Will of recent years as he stunned critics in a stage production of Cabaret in 2012, which earned him a best newcomer award from What’s On Stage.

He’s also had screen roles in BBC film Mrs Henderson Presents, teen drama Skins and a Miss Marple mystery for telly called The Mirror Crack’d from Side to Side.

The star supports numerous charities, ranging from the Prince’s Trust to Mencap and gAID, which fights domestic violence in homosexual relationships.

Getty Images Pop Idol winner Will Young was sporting a moustache not so long ago

Continue Reading