THE big day is coming and the children are already getting very, very excited.
No, not Christmas. I mean the visit to our country of US President Donald Trump. It’s going to happen, early in the new year.
Getty – Contributor US President Donald Trump will visit the UK soon
And by children, I mean the hundred thousand or so petulant, intellectually challenged, perpetually outraged leftist imbeciles. They are planning mass protests. They are getting themselves worked up into a right old state. Tears before bedtime, once again. Horribly full nappies. Jam smeared on the wallpaper.
When it was first suggested that Trump should come here, they started screaming and threw all their toys out of the pram. Some British politicians — to their enormous discredit — actually listened to this caterwauling.
They even had a debate about whether Trump should be allowed here.
I wouldn’t have blamed the President if he’d told Parliament to get stuffed. But he didn’t.
Hillary Clinton lost the presidential election in November 2016
We’ve heard the same bleating before, of course. When the Tories won the 2015 election, for example, they were out on the streets. And best of all when we voted Leave in the referendum last year. Oooh, I could hear the screams of rage all the way from my gaff in Teesside.
And now because Americans voted in a way of which they disapprove. That’s the thing about these idiots. They cannot abide democracy.
When people vote the way they don’t want, they shriek and stamp their feet. And wander off on demos which block the streets of London.
They cannot imagine that people dare to think differently to themselves. They think it should be stopped! Right! Now! Or I’ll cwwwyyyyyyyyyyy all night!
Getty – Contributor Some are fuming about the prospect of Trump visiting the country
I’m no great fan of Donald Trump — although he’s infinitely preferable to that aloof and devious waxwork, Hillary Clinton.
But of course he should come here. In my view, he should have a full state visit.
He’s the president of the most powerful country in the world. Our closest ally. Our closest friends. The country we depend upon for our safety and a lot of our trade.
We will need the US even more after Brexit. And in Trump we have a friend who was in favour of Brexit and who said he would put us at the front of the queue for a trade deal.
Reuters Jacob Zuma’s 10-year term as South African president has faced allegations of corruption
The hopeless and arrogant Barack Obama said he would put us last.
And the double standards of these protesters is truly gobsmacking.
Look at some of the people who HAVE been afforded full state visits recently.
King Abdullah of that bastion of democracy and human rights, Saudi Arabia. Jacob Zuma, the deeply corrupt scumbag who leads South Africa.
US President Donald Trump announces Moon and Mars NASA exploration ambitions
The leaders of the Islamic slave state, the United Arab Emirates. The other horrible Muslim slave state out there, Qatar.
Were there protests on any of those occasions? Nope, not a sign. Nothing.
And yet a democratically elected politician who leads the world’s greatest nation and has a historic relationship with the UK — that’s when the screaming starts.
These infants need to be told that they are in a tiny minority. They count for nothing. And that they cannot get their way. A sharp smack on the backside and sent straight up to bed without seeing In The Night Garden.
And welcome, President Trump. We may have one or two differences, sure. And we can talk about them.
But welcome, and don’t let the screaming toddlers get you down.
The big problem with the John Lewis ad
THAT John Lewis ad has just finished BOTTOM of the top ten of Christmas commercials. Despite the fact that it was one of the most expensive to make.
That Aldi thing with the slightly spooky carrots came in first.
PA:Press Association The ad features a young boy and his imaginary monster called Moz
Shall I tell you why nobody likes the John Lewis ad? Because it is cringingly, horribly politically correct.
And most British people are kinda sick of that stuff, OK?
Jailing is bananas
POUTY Egyptian singer Shaimaa Ahmed is beginning a two-year prison sentence in her native country.
She’s been accused of outraging public decency and encouraging debauchery.
Egyptian singer Shaimaa Ahmed will spend the next two years behind bars Ahmed’s been jailed for her ‘sexually explicit’ music video
What did she did do? She made a pop video in which she ate a banana.
Apparently, watching women eat bananas sends Arab men berserk with desire. Should have chosen a pineapple, love.
But not a plum – I think they’re on the banned list, too.
Don’t you kind of hope Rita Ora tours Egypt sometime soon? I suspect she’d get life.
More leftie nonsense
MATHS is racist, according to a dingbat professor in the US.
According to Rochelle Gutierrez of Illinois: “Who gets credit for doing and developing mathematics, who is capable in mathematics and who is seen as part of the mathematical community is generally viewed as white.”
Right-o. Maybe we should ban it, then.
Still, at least this kind of idiocy gives me the chance to show my favourite little online picture meme. It should be used every time this sort of stupidity does the rounds.
Couldn’t be Mour wrong
I AM trying to think of a word to encapsulate Jose Mourinho. And it’s very difficult, in a nice family newspaper.
I have the feeling, for example, that w**kpuffin won’t get past the editor. (You’re right about that – Ed).
Getty – Contributor Grumpy guts . . . Manchester United manager Jose Mourinho
Anyway, Jose’s latest little hissy fit came after his Man Utd side had been stuffed at home by Manchester City.
He allegedly hammered on the City changing room door and told them to stop celebrating. A fight ensued.
Why shouldn’t the City players celebrate? If I’d been in a team which had just humbled Mourinho I’d have been dancing around with a grin the length of Ronaldo’s neck.
And that’s the other thing. The Portuguese aren’t very likeable, are they? Although I suppose it’s wrong to dismiss an entire country on account of just two people.
I suppose there must be nice ones, somewhere.
Probably in Portugal – they export all the w**kpuffins.
Red card for Labour
STILL more anti-Semitism in the Labour Party.
Both Jeremy Corbyn and the sinister John McDonnell turned up to the launch of a new Labour group – Labour Muslim Network.
Why they need their own chapter I haven’t a clue. But Jezza and McDonnell posed alongside a bloke called Ali Milani, who has sent plenty of anti-Semitic tweets and messages.
And he believes Israel has no right to exist.
Incidentally, Labour recently sent foreign spokesperson Emily Thornberry to the Middle East. Yes, I know, just what the area needs. And she went to Israel. Guess who she didn’t talk to in Israel?
Yes, that’s right, anyone who runs the place.
Can’t even bring themselves to talk to the government of a Nato friend and ally.
More than happy to talk to the Palestinians.
Martian fear is a c-rock
YIKES! A long, thin, cigar-shaped thing is moving through space at 198,000 miles per hour.
And some serious scientists – including Stephen Hawking – reckon it could be an alien spaceship.
PA:Press Association A spaceship or just another space rock?
Probably full of weird, purple, tentacle things heading to Earth for Meghan and Harry’s wedding.
I’ve had a look at photos of this “spacecraft”.
And it resembles, to me, a long piece of space rock which has recently snapped off a much bigger piece of space rock.
There is no life out there. Nothing.
We would have known by now if there were.
There are no Martians, no Klingons, no Vulcans.
The only life in the universe is us.
And seeing what a mess we’re making of the place, that’s probably a good thing.
Snow problem for kids
A FEW inches of snow and the schools close down. Incredible, isn’t it? And that means people not being able to go to work.
That little cold snap reportedly cost the country a billion quid. I used to love going to school when there was snow about. I liked making treacherous slides in the ice, just outside the staff room door.
And hurling snowballs at the fat kids. Easier to hit than the thin kids, you see. All these pleasures denied to our children.
No wonder they’re growing up super-sensitive.
SO, now cyclist Chris Froome OBE is facing hard questions for having had an “adverse” result on a drugs test.
He allegedly tested positive for some concoction which relieves asthma.
Getty – Contributor Cyclist Chris Froome claims he tested positive for an drug meant to relieve asthma
It was also a treatment for asthma which got Bradley Wiggins into a spot of bother. Sorry, SIR Bradley Wiggins.